all i want for christmas is... 100% organic cotton undies & socks

Holy moly underwear and socks are expensive!!!!

Rémy had an appointment at the dermatologist the other day to get some moles checked out before we leave France and full medical coverage (don't worry, they're all normal - it was just to take advantage of our awesome insurance before we don't have it anymore) and he discovered that he has a severe and highly contagious bout of Athlete's foot. His feet had been itchy (mostly at night) but this had been going on for a while and we hadn't really thought much of it.

Well, it turns out it's super contagious and super annoying to get rid of. Since it's a fungus it can lie dormant in old socks for weeks on end and then sprout up suddenly one humid night when there's a full moon. Gross? Yes. Annoying? It is decidedly so. Rémy has to wash his feet with a special antiseptic gel and put on special medicated lotion and powder and we can't be sure it's 100% gone for 15 days.

Then there's the whole sock business. If Rémy wants to keep his socks (and since we share socks it becomes if WE want to keep OUR socks, any of them...) we have to wash them daily (all of them, not just the ones we wear) and powder them daily with some special powder and keep them in sealed plastic bags when we are not wearing them. And we have to do this every day FOR THIRTY DAYS. Now I don't know about you, but that seems like a helluva lot of work just to have clean socks. Since all we own is a shit-ton of really old socks (some dating back probably to the 80's) and we will be leaving our apartment in 16 days and the country in 27, we made the executive decision to throw away all of our socks and buy new ones. (We did briefly consider donating them, but then realized that would be rather sadistic.)

It gets worse.

The genus of fungus that causes Athlete's foot, Trichophyton, also causes another annoying and painfully itchy condition sometimes known as "dhobi itch", more commonly known by the lovely name "jock itch". It is exactly what you think it is. How does fungus from the feet get to the groin? Well, just think about how you dry yourself off with a towel. And then think about using the same towel for a few days, and sharing it with someone who secretly has Athlete's foot.

Yes, you guessed it, I am the unlucky one. I have jock itch.

Don't worry, I'll spare you the details on how I have to cure my little problem. But what it comes down to is that we also have to throw out all of our underwear and replace them with new, total clean & fungus-free 100% cotton underwear.

So today I throw all of our old socks & undies in a giant sack and go out in search of new 100% cotton socks & undies, preferably organic since cotton uses an absurdly high percentage of the world's pesticides/insecticides. (Cotton covers 2.5% of the world's cultivated lands but uses 16% of the world's insecticides - that's more than ANY other crop!!!)

First of all, the green movement is still in the very very early stages here in France so it took me forever to find what I wanted, and when I did it was exorbitantly expensive. I almost had a stroke when the lady told me my total and I had to ask her again to make sure I wasn't hallucinating: 120€ worth of plain cotton socks & undies. And I only bought 21 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of slippers, 7 pairs of undies and 3 pairs of tights/leggings. I guess it comes out to only 3€64 per item, but it still seems freaking ridiculous.

In light of this crisis I have come up with some rather renegade New Years Resolutions that I have taken a vow to follow with the utmost seriousness:
- I will take much better care of my socks and my undies from here on out.
- I will wash them in a timely manner.
- I will make sure that each sock is with his mate at all times.
- I will not leave them balled up covered in dust bunnies under the bed or dresser.
- I will cherish each moment my toesies are warm and snug, and
- I promise to try not to wear tights too often to give my jock area some breathing room.

On that lovely note, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year & to all a Good Night!!