watching the train pull away i teared up a little bit, but probably not enough that he saw from his window seat. (then again he is ridiculously nearsighted, almost to the point of being blind, so maybe he didn't even know he was looking at me anyway. no no, i joke. i'm pretty sure he had his glasses on.)
what is it with us women that makes us have horrifying visions all the time? seriously. i mean we wake up in the morning cuddling a gorgeous and sensitive man who whispers romantic sweet nothings in our ear with the winter sunlight shining through our dewey window and our first thought is "oh my god what if he gets into an accident today on his way to work and this is the last time i ever get to feel his tender embrace?!!" ahhh estrogen.
well these are the types of thoughts that were rushing into my head. the "it's pretty icy this morning, i hope his train doesn't derail" or "i hope there isn't an 8.8 earthquake in paris while he's up there" or "if any skinny french bitch tries to steal my man i'll hunt her down & jack bauer her ass" sort of thoughts. but mostly i thought about what a horrendous week this is already looking to be, really quite stressful, and how much harder it's going to be without him here to make everything seem so much better.
so i rode my bike home in the -3° weather, climbed back into bed just before the sky started to turn light, and when even tippen wouldn't agree to cuddle with me (not that he ever wants to cuddle when i do) i couldn't help but get in a good cry. at least now it's out of my way.
the rest of the day was spent studying medicinal plants, waiting for callbacks from jobs (which never happened), browsing random job search engines, thinking about starting training for a marathon, talking to a woman about the possibility of getting certified as a public school teacher in france (which was of absolutely no help whatsoever), grocery shopping, deciding and then subsequently deciding not to be a midwife and watching clips from last week's the daily show. not the most productive day of my life, but not the least productive either.
and now it's almost bedtime for someone who got up at 4am and i'm wondering what it's going to be like to sleep alone. i usually complain about rémy snoring, taking up all the space in the bed and/or almost pushing me off, stealing all the blanket and generating enough heat to power a small country. i'm thinking i'll be missing all that tonight, though. i'm feeling almost pms-y. like i could burst into tears for no reason and that i wouldn't change out of my pajamas for almost anything in the world. anything except having rémy back next to me, of course.
i'm hoping to get at least some sleep tonight, so it's time for herbal tea, dark chocolate and project runway. let's see if i can make it through day two without any tears!